


This Piece of Shit does WHAT Now?

by mickey_thane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Feorge AU, Gen, Gred AU, Harry Potter AU, Marauder AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickey_thane/pseuds/mickey_thane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which I imagine Fred and George's first encounter with the Marauder's Map, thanks to tumblr user theoneblogicareabout's prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Piece of Shit does WHAT Now?

Fred and George Weasley were in detention. Again.  
This time one twin, with each retelling of the epic which twin it was changes, set Filch’s robe on fire while the other tied a firework to Mrs. Morris’ tail and set it off.  
CRACK.  
BOOM.  
MMRREEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW.  
Mrs. Norris went rocketing down the hall, Filch’s flaming arse running after her screaming,“I’ll saaaave you! Someone stop that caaaaat!!”  
Both boys doubled over in laughter until they felt Severus Snape’s cold, hard grasp on their shoulders.  
“How did I even know it was the two Weasley abhorations. Fifty points from Gryffindor and a week’s detention as Mr. Filch’s personal sla– I mean assistants.” Snape snarled at both of them.  
Heads hung lowly to hide their smug grins, both boys walked rather happily to the Gryffindor common room before erupting in song as they galavanted through the door. The whole room started laughing and dancing with them until a first year piped up and quite timidly asked,“What’ll you do about the detentions?”  
“Why, we’ll go of course!” They declared in unison, “Kind old Mister Filch aaalways has a gift for us ‘Messers’” T  
he first night of detention rolled around and the boys were “sortin and filin all the nasty dangerous things” Filch had found and they were “not to touch a lick of the contraband items without it being for purposes of cataloguing.” Which naturally meant the boys had to pocket everything they could find to fit in their magically extended jumper pockets.  
“Allohamora” George whispered as he unlocked another trunk. “Fred. Freddie. FREDERICK.” He was practically screaming at the end.  
“Alright alright what’s all the ruckus ajd you KNOW my name ISN’T Frederick you bloody arsewipe.” Fred said as he apparated behind his brother. Looking over George’s shoukder all he could see was a piece of paper folded into a random assortment of ways but was completely blank. “Well well well Georgie look what we have here!” Fred teased as he snatched the paper away.  
“Aparecium!” He declared quite proudly, rapping the paper with his wand. When the words: not quite yet, appeared he hung his head clearly crestfallen.  
“No no no you dingus. It’s like this!” George snatched the paper back and smacked the paper obnoxiously with his wand. “Bloody Hell..” He muttered angrily as the blocked letters: Na Na Na Na Boo Boo Marauders For Life! appeared on the paper. Both boys began grappling over the paper until Filch’s whistle was hear around the corner. George shoved it into his pocket and both teens returned to doing whatever it was they assumed they were supposed to be doing, though neither one was sure if it was, hiding their grins best as possible.  
“You lads better head off to the dorms for the night. Wouldn’t want you getting in trouble for being out after hours and spending more time with old Filch now would we.” Filch’s gravely old voice commanded. They hurried off quicker than normal, anxious to find out the secret to the paper back at their dorms. Shuffling into the room, giddy as all be, the boys went quickly to their bed and jumped under the covers.  
“Lumos Maxima.” George whispered. “Maybe it’s a verbal word combination?” Fred mumbled to himself quietly, as George continued to tap the paper furiously.  
“I am Fred Weasley and I command you to open!” Fred barked at the paper hoping it would open, then smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. The paper glimmered for a second and then script writing started scrawling down the page.  
* Mr. Moony would like to inform one Messr Weasley that he does not control this parchment.  
Mr. Wormtail would like to ask why Messr Weasley thinks he needs to yell.  
Mr. Padfoot would like to compliment Messr Weasley’s hair.  
Mr. Prongs would like to tell Messr Weasley that he enjoys the new company, and cannot wait to show the young Messr all his secrets.  
For the next several hours the twins excitedly though thought of every combination of words possible.  
“Give me your secrets!” More teasing words appeared.  
“I’d like to open you” polite-er teasing.  
“I swear I’ll treat you well.” A polite try again from the Wormtail fellow, and fart noises from Prongs and Padfoot. Moony seemed unimpressed.  
“I want to get into trouble.” All four men said: close. But no cigar.  
“I promise I’m gonna fuck shit up.” The paper glimmered, almost as if it were smirking.  
*Mr. Moony would like to ask the Messrs. Weasley why they think such foul language is necessary to accomplish mischief.  
Mr. Wormtail would like to inform the Messrs. Weasley that they are getting warmer.  
Mr. Padfoot would like to high five the Messrs. Weasley.  
Mr. Prongs would like to have a pint with the Messrs. Weasley as they seem just like his kind of people. As long as they solemnly swear it. 

 

The very next phrase changed the boys lives forever.


End file.
